I was once a Journalista. I wrote about the “important” things in my life. Mostly, the things that made me feel angry, sad, sorry for myself, alone. The stuff of disappointments, yearnings, and loss. Yes there was good stuff too. But not so much. The scales of my journals tipped downward. And I never thought to rebalance them.
My journals had beautiful covers. Technicolor dreams of the good life. Days of sunlight, golden meadows, and bright blue skies. Nights of stars, moonlight, and mystery. But on the inside they held a lot more darkness than light. A lot more regret than celebration.
I noticed this last week, as I looked through them to prepare for my move. I skimmed the pages, asking myself which to keep. Which to toss. They surprised me with so much of the same. In an instant I knew. It was time to let go. I kept none. So no one will learn from my errors. No one will weep at my mistakes. No one will read what I wrote in moments of despair, nor were they meant to. I never knew it would be that easy.
Best that these stories of my life become as Native American sand paintings. Created, then erased, no matter how beautiful. Gone forever. As if they never happened. Einstein told us, “We can’t solve our problems with the same kind of thinking with which we created them.” What a smarty pants he was.
Out with the regret, the what ifs, the doubt, the complaining. In with gratitude, instead. To be grateful for a freely drawn breath For the light of day. For a kind word, or deed, or look, whether given or received. If that’s all that I learn from the events of my past, I am well ahead of the game, If the game even exists.
So dear friend (you know who you are) — sorry. But when I’m gone, there will be just memories and vibrations. No journals to remind you. No stories of old victories and defeats. Of love lost and found.That’s more than enough, don’t you think?.
You can use this imagery exercise to let it all go. Whether that “it” is a journal, a memory, a relationship, or a resentment. Whether it’s.inside or out.
Silence Is Golden
Close your eye and exhale one time. See and feel how words and stories are covering you up and weighing you down. See and sense how by separating from this mental chatter your troubles disappear. Feel how it is to live your life in the silence that goes beyond all words. Be in the middle of this silence and know that it is golden.
Breathe this golden silence into every cell of your body. Give thanks for this moment. Then breathe out and open your eyes.